


Family Demons

by Dorkangel



Category: X-Men (Movies), X-Men: First Class (2011) - Fandom
Genre: Based on information from the Internet and the comics, Crack, Dysfunctional Family, F/M, Father-Son Relationship, movieverse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-13
Updated: 2014-07-29
Packaged: 2018-02-08 18:01:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 913
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1950828
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dorkangel/pseuds/Dorkangel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Raven forces Azazel to attempt to have a proper father/son talk with Kurt.<br/>(In which Azazel hates everyone)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This kind of rambles, sorry! Thinking of doing a family relationship series with this kind of feel - maybe Erik/Peter, Charles/Raven, Alex/Scott - but I dunno

Family Demons

Azazel looked sternly down at his son. They were seated opposite each other at the kitchen table, glaring in what was, by their standards, a sign of affection.  
His wife had charged him with explaining to their son why he was ...the way he was... and Azazel had happily launched into the sex talk, only to have Kurt scream at him that Raven had already told him and he really wished she hadn't.  
Azazel glared because he was confused and frustrated. Kurt glared because he was bored and also pretty sure that his father was about to start yet another sentence with 'In Soviet Russia we...'.  
Eventually, Azazel sighed. "Kurt, do you want to know anything about the way you look? The way you ARE?"  
Kurt frowned, speaking in a heavy German accent. "I look like you and mutti."  
Azazel shrugged. "You are blue, your mother is blue. I have a tail, you have a tail. I am a teleporter, you are a teleporter. I hate everyone, your mother hates everyone, you love everyone. I'm red, you're religious." He paused, not really sure where he was going with all that. "How did that even happen?"  
"Who, me?"  
"Na, the Catholicism. I thought you were raised in a circus."  
At that, Kurt jumped angrily to his feet. "Actually, I vant to ask about zat! You abandoned me-"  
Azazel rolled his eyes defensively. "I wasn't aware of your existence. She dropped you off a cliff." His brow creased. "She says she's very sorry, by the way. About the cliff."  
Kurt hesitantly sat down again. "So? What is there even to talk about?"  
Azazel pulled a face. "How should I know? It's Raven's idea."  
Kurt began drumming with his three fingered hands. "You just said you hate everyone..."  
Azazel nods. "Da."  
"Really? Everyone?"  
He realised his mistake. "Family doesn't count as everyone."  
"You don't hate Janos."  
"Janos counts as family."  
"Do you hate Magneto?"  
Azazel nodded.  
"Professor Xavier?"  
"Na. Family."  
"Raven?"  
"Na. Family."  
"How about Emma Frost?"  
Azazel scowled. "Da. Sparkly bitch."  
"...Storm?"  
Azazel rolled his eyes. Kurt had a crush on that Ororo girl, it was obvious. He resented living in the school; the children were annoying and the adults were worse. It was better than living anywhere else though. He hated it less here, in so much as he hated everything.  
"I have no opinion on this 'Storm' of yours." That was the closest his son was going to get to actual approval and he knew it. Kurt grinned. "Zhank you, vatti!"  
Azazel winced. "Never call me that." He thought for a moment, and then shrugged again, standing up. "You know about condoms and girls, right? And boys too?" Kurt pulled a face. "Ja."  
"You're fine with blueness?"  
"Ja."  
Azazel threw his hand up in frustration. "Then what does she want us to talk about?"  
And with that, he disappeared in a puff of curling smoke and sulphur.  
On the other side of the wall, Raven grinned. At least they had talked


	2. Chapter 2

Nightmares

Azazel had a killer's instincts. He was always sharply dressed, with a knife somewhere about his person, and he never let his guard down.  
Except, of course, at an infuriatingly safe school at three in the morning.  
He woke to the quiet murmur of the door as it opened and sat bolt upright, his teeth bared in a snarl. And then noticed the fact that the hand on the doorknob was blue and only had three fingers. He sighed.  
"Kurt, what do you want?"  
Kurt stuck his head around, looking apologetic. "I had a nightmare."  
Azazel frowned. "You're twenty-three."  
Kurt apparently didn't understand what was weird about this situation, so Azazel moved the covers and shifted across the bed. Kurt started at the sight of his father wearing nothing but a pair of boxers instead of usual suit, his neat, straight hair sticking up and messy from sleep, but said nothing, gratefully climbing in next to him.  
Azazel huffed and grudgingly put an arm around his son.  
"Kurt," he groaned sleepily. "You're so... irritating."  
Kurt grinned and shrugged, content to sleep here. Azazel rolled his eyes. "At least you asked this time," he continued, his mild annoyance growing into his usual pissed-at-the-world manner. "Not like last time. You just barge in saying something about the milk and how it might be off and then you run away."  
"That wasn't my fault. I didn't know Janos was here." Azazel shrugged.  
"You should maybe not barge into your father's room though."  
Kurt hesitated. "Vatti?"  
"Don't call me that. Yes?"  
"Why were you and Janos even doing that?"  
"I thought your mother had that talk with you."  
"What?"  
Azazel sighed. "When a man and a woman-" No, that wouldn't work. "When a man and a man love each other very much-"  
"Ah! I know, I know! I meant YOU and HIM specifically."  
Azazel paused thoughtfully. "I love your mother very much. Only I don't like her, and sometimes I hate her. She is always with the nagging and the shapeshifting. Janos is my friend. I like Janos, and he also does not speak, so he never nags me, and he's very pretty too."  
Kurt frowned. "For someone who can't talk he's very loud."  
"He can't talk, not can't scream."  
"Oh."  
Azazel suddenly felt even more annoyed and rested his crimson arm over Kurt's face.  
"Shut up now."  
Kurt gently moved Azazel's arm so it was a little less... on his face.  
"Ok."


End file.
